the 'happy' 4th day

*a emo picture for the emo day*

this is the 4th day of chinese new year, feeling so hurt
aren't new year suppose to be a happy memory ?
well, things is not always as it seems to be, right ?
judgement had been made and proven guilty

feel like a ton of load fell on me and feeling unconcious
according to someone, everything i do is childish
well whether the fact is right or wrong, you're a still hypocrite
you said i like to deny all the wrong and just accept the rights only

according to me, you are just the same and always filled with assumption
you said i assume too much that i don't even care try
who said, i tried and insisted, the ending ain't beautiful to be seen
in other words, are you calling me a liar ?

imma keeping in a silence thoughts and continue living in a fantasy
i find fantasy is a great place to heal the scars and wounds
time is also essential in the process of healing, find it so hard to take
am really and truly, very tired to think for another person


*high hopes revealing*

you thought it was only once, but its repeated so many times
that i lost count, now i don't even bother to try again
this is no longer an petty assumption, i rather stay in my naive world
also rather act innocent, don't want give no opinion !

it just hurt so badly and i will never be the same again
i live and learn from the scars and bruise that i obtained
its so painful to relive the same moment that brings you down
currently feeling very, very low that i can feel nothing at all

never thought i will be this low, can't think straight either
its new year after all, gotta still look happy, meaning fake it
gotta fake everything, in life there's a lot of synthetic things
this certainly does not exclude human's expression


*look its a blank hope, again*

even if no one bother to read this, at least i am relief
relief that i let out this emotional feelings that is hanging around
convincing myself to let it go is so tough and its just crazy
futhermore, those who is near and dear to me don't even believe me

no expectation of understanding from anyone anymore

why do i even bother to have high expectation from anyone
promises made is not necessary fullfill and don't have make one
a lot of people said promise is not meant to be keep
don't want to listen and make any promise

maybe i am still naive to believe people's given trust
trust have proven to me a lot and taught me to be strong
never 100% rely on someone, truly disheartened
perfection must be obtain by you, yourself not by others

its very hard for me to have high hopes, failure kept on flooding in
looking beyond it, also never make someone promise you something
knowing that they will keep it and make it happen
let me know if they is a living person who keeps promises

not that i want to think the negatives, just can't help it
the percentage of good happening is always so low
prediction of the worse is easily guessed
tell me who doesn't want a easy life ?

i see things that you don't see, that's naive ?
i just keep quiet knowing that you don't believe me
worst of all, you named me as a lunatic !
what a way to appreciate a person, feel so lucky !

i maybe using sarcasm but i truly mean the opposites
you have leave me no reasons to believe you anymore
tell you what that i call myself naive, the thing is
kept on having high hopes on you and failure you brought me!

this is where i end this post now, tears is filling in my eyes !

forgive and forget is never easy !