selfish

to those losers and failures in life, you should really listen what i have to say
the only reason you could never succeed is you constantly
when i said constantly, i really mean everytime you failed
you just blame on someone who actually succeeded

sure you can lie to yourself that is just a dream, well wake up
you are just being unfair to the others not because you fail
but you jugde and penalize someone who done great
well i gotta say get a life, will you? at least for the sake of yourself

you should really move on and try to improve your flaw
you can be straight forward and pin point everyone's mistake
have it occur to you that you are not so perfect at all?
sure we gotta thank you for making our flaw an end

but when you are out of the limit, its just hurtful to listen
you could never picture yourself in another's position
you are just self-centered and its all about you
come on, you are denying the fact and you just blame others

well time to wake up, others ACTUALLY worked hard for the success
unlike you, everyone stop whining and start trying out everything
you did not work hard and you have the nerve to blame them
well you should try to work hard for something

don't blame you if you never learn, you are just selfish

-

ever get a feeling of being invsible, not wanted?

just a wish

do what you want, you have a choice to do what you want
if there is a wish, i wish for flight and i want to be free
i want to fly around and free roam around anywhere
i want to feel the sky and cloud, wonderous feeling

just a wish

my best friend

my blog is catagorised as my best friend,
the only reason is my blog listens to what i have to say
never abandon me or even leave me
i can always count on my blog to be there for me

in real life, people are always busy or simply does not have 'time'
whether they are doing something or nothing
its seems that no one really is there when i need them
i sound so demanding that i need my friends to be here whenever

i tell myself that its okay that you are alone
alone not necessary means you're lonely
but i dare to say i am not the only one
i'm sure there is plenty of people is alone

sucks ?

when you fail on the first attempt completing something,
people will usually comfort you by saying 'Do it better next time'
well, at the certain in life you will think that there is not better
everyone seems to be flying higher and faster than i am

feel like i completely disappear from the range of good
like dropping down to the ground sooner or later
its like i'm in no position to compete against the others
i am losing my rights to be with the best and better

no matter how hard i struggle, the outcome is always bad
not up to the expection while the others just ace
its not important no more, i will not stop trying
i'll do whatever i want with my life, life sucks !

be strong

i had just decide on making a drastic measure,
this is self prevention of getting hurt again,
you won't know the pain i have gone through,
don't try say anything that you know how does it feel !

i could take my sweet vengence on you, BITCHES
but i just not that kind of person who does that
well, i know you have me as evil person
the only reason was me being a BITCH about it

you don't know me, i truly don't blame you
you don't bother to know me, i don't care
i should learn to be less sensitive and ...
you should be less judgmental though

judging a book by its cover can't be a bad thing
but you don't mention anything with hesitation
its reckless that you accused someone by accident
just no fair to those who is innocent

couldn't blame you all for you insensitivity
its either your born attitude or just like that
maybe i should mentioning how much i don't care
and start to not care about it

like my brother say, you don't need everyone's approver
your approver is the most important of all
people's opinion we should value, but thoughts have to put in
we shouldn't ignore their opinion, it might be valuable

now i don't beg everyone to see what i have to show
instead i should show it whether they're looking or not
there is bound to be someone to realise your existance
life is all about patience, definately someone is gonna see it

not like most people i know, i don't actually have attention
attention from friends, just so lonely and ...
its like no one actually know your existance, heck it
i am often upset that i am frequently invisible

till this very day, i admit that i still feel like that
everytime i go online, and my taskbar is usually empty
no one but one or two of my real friend will bug me
but most of the time is just me filling in apps

everyday i listen to music and try to drown myself with it
music speaks louder than what i have to say
well, music speaks better than my peers in school
music really fills my soul with love and care

when i flashback to those incidents, i will cry
i am tough so i don't let myself cry
i want to change everything but i couldn't
i learn to accept it and move on

i want to stop dreaming and start living
but i am too weak to stay in the reality
its just so cruel but i need to stand strong
stay strong and love yourself more !

smile :D

there is always something in life that could do wonders
one second you feel you could touch the sky
the other minute you feel so down that you couldn't feel
the next hour you will realise that you're just being silly

there is certainly always something bound to make me smile
one bit of 24 hour could just let me feel sky high
these moments are special, no money can buy
also these moments don't just pop up, make it yourself

smile, sure is wonderful receive smiles from everyone
especially from those who you can't live without
their smile worth a lot of properties you can ever own
but one thing for sure, you can never sell it away

the same person can also cause misery and pain
you must be thinking how can this be
you can give in everything and everything could be taken back
just like any disappointmet but these will leave scar

but it is weird that you can always forgive them
even with countless of deeds that stabs your heart
this not even scientist could prove this theory
but i know it is wonderful !!!

smile :D

rumours

rumours, do you all have encounter rumours about you?
well rumours might not be the best description of someone
but is sure is a good way of communication with others
it just like a breaking news that everyone knows and talks

i'm sure everyone encounters rumours at least once in a lifetime
roughly, everyone knows that rumours always contain the same thing
such as embarassment, not ideal event, or even 'couple issues'
throughout my highschool life, i think rumours is sort of necessary

let me share some experience of mine encountering rumours
i have this rumour spreading around since 2008
not the good type or hurtful though, but its sure is annoying
after years, i think i got used to it and no harm is done

rumours is just part of your life, you might say

sigh

the distances is drawn and its getting obvious day by day
it really breaks my heart to encounter this distant
i would cry every night and ask myself why let it happen
deep down i know its definately my fault that this happened

i have no idea to mend this torn scar in my heart
after this experience, i do not wish it to happen again
the next i couldn't let you go, don't want to
not its still remained torn in my delicate, fragile heart

i know crying and sobbing will not help in anything
but what else can i do for now ? nothing i guess
this is really bitter but it used to be bitter sweet
all these was used to be and soon to be

no matter how loud i sigh, assumption will lay down
whether its good or bad, still its could be fake anyhow
truth is the most important and i could bare to keep it
at last i did keep it to myself and not wanting to share

don't have the courage to admit it and to tell
just waiting for my thought to happen
that is really dumb, stupid to do and it just don't happen
i should just stand up and scream to you, right ?

who doesn't have problems, i'm sure everyone does

fuss buzz

i am dissappointed that not even my family understands
no whatever regards whether its intended or not, ignore
no matter how hard i try to explain myself
it only end up as a mess and trouble for me

also i live in a drama filled with controversy, always questions
it is not fun to live in one, there is always tears everywhere
i am with scars everywhere, all those times i am hurt
no one was there to help me, but only sympathize me

i don't really need that, i just want someone to understand me
all those try to care for me, did not help me at all
well those who really help with strengthen me
no longer weak, i am stronger everytime i got hurt

no one try to be in my shoes for once, not once
no one see in through my eyes, tough luck
just say whatever you want, knowing you don't know
just stay away from me, YOU BITCHES

from young, i am full of high hope and also expectations
everytime i just fall and injuries usually occurs
for now, i so used to dissapointment and frown
i need to learn how to stand strong and fight for me

i am suppose to be like a happy, carefree person
but thats just a mask or simply a disguise or appearance
how many would know the bitter story beneath this
most remain nothing, well some will know

i just leave it like this, don't bother if there is no one
the world is full of people but suddenly i feel, really feel
i am living in a world, world with me as the only person

sure you can tell me you understand, but you are not
just stay and mind your own business
you will just make it worse than ever !
better yet i'll slowly distance myself from the world

nothing

have you ever feel so hopeless that couldn't feel at all?
well sometimes i don't feel anything, most of my time
sometimes i don't recognize what is my emotion, how
its kinda tough having no exact feeling to describe

all is there for me to answer how am i feeling today, is nothing
ain't kind of miserable, just leave it be =)

i'm moving out

lets see or review what happened today ?
i woke up in an average mood and still sleepy
got on the van and listen to the radio, hoping its my fav song
take a brief nap and reached to the school

lets see, it wednesday today and which means sport practise
well my house did marching and i wasn't sad about that
just the fact that the sun is burning hot and i'm still okay
i don't mind walking six rounds and despices the complaints

but some phrase really lead me to intolerate towards it
those phrase is like knifes stabbing through my heart
truly felt so hurt and was defendless as i was penalized
whatever i said seems like a funny, hilarous joke to you all

well, i couldn't tolerate it no more and decide to ignore it
but once again i failed in ignoring cause i was very pissed
bits by bits is haunting me and i am beginning to see my downfall
at last i decided to keep quiet and how this will go away

its real when people say everything is not what it seems
more mess was created by me and indirectly me too
whether there is blaming going or not, i feel there IS
when the blame leaves, guilt will fill in

i couldn't take it anymore and its rather difficult
change? don't be silly, trust me about this
no one will see or even notice a mere about it
you are the one who can feel it, why bother then ?

now i dare not voice out anything in class, no one listens
even there is, people will start leaving remarks about it
remarks like childish, irrational, brainless thoughts i have
well, better look in the mirror before telling this to my face

to me, i'm like talking to a typical, conservative china man
your range of thinking is so small and just going round it
you dare to shout to the world that you are really open
open to what must i ask, i bet the answer from me is YOURSELF

you can tell me that i am lying to myself but clearly i am not
there is only one question that i always have to ask you all
the question is "do you mind ?", whatever countless you are gonna say
your judgement towards is very low and you don't know me at all

don't you act like you have known me for like a century or even more
i don't even do that, i feel so used when you ask me for a favour
heck, i am too kind, the only reason why i help!
trust me, it is worth of my time for this mess? no, right?

the class is like stranger land to me, and you know why
most of you all talk to me when there's something you need
its clearly when there's nothing, i am just a stranger
this have really lead me to think i'm a left-out or an outcast

sometimes the class' only student is me, i feel that way
most of you missee my existance and should i care?
i really start to question myself, am i that bad?
fine by that way, there is nothing could change the way i think

not that i am cold hearted, i really, have really thought of
disconnecting from all my classmates and start a new life
now i am filling my sadness into doing homework and revision
i am officially a nobody in class other than your irresponsible monitor

you guys just understand why and never will you all know
i truly see the point upon letting you all know
i rather i'm the one who got hurt and i slowly move out of your lives
i don't want any regrets throwing at me

i am really depressed and i am not afraid to admit it
not like some losers is afraid to tell the world

those fools who doesn't understand at all, will not expect anything from these fools as nothing is gonna change their views towards me

let me just get rid of your lives, okay ?

bad

now that i have more understanding towards myself
i really realised that i have split personality

bad

irrational

why do i like to choose the impossibles to achieve ?
the chances i am taking and there's no guarantee feedback
why do i insist on going throught these kind of mental torture ?
dazing all night long, not that i have sleepless night but its bitter

in the night, night is the time when i feel so energyless !
can't think properly and also lose all my sense of rationality
emotionally still, neutral feelings i have ! not happy nor sad
haven find a way to express these feelings in a proper way

lost all my faiths towards everything !
shattered in million bits !

gemini

you know ! i read something about my horoscope
and i might say its very, very accurate and i am not denying
it truly describe the bitterness i always wonder why
i can partially understand why i have some urge to be emo

i love the way it describe me as Gemini, just my opinion
in the morning, i will be just like a happy chirp who wont stop smilling
in the night, i will sut alone and flashback those moment
moment that bring me down and also tear me apart

also, every gemini share a story, not just a story
it will ought be a bitter, depressed and painful story
the story might reveal the weakness and flaws
at the same time, it also prove that emotionally strong

another is, gemini is afraid rejection and also hurt
i would get hurt rather than you get hurt
what is more true is gemini don't assurance in them
this is what is always holding the gemini back

there is plenty more ...
i am proud to be a gemini !

pondering

i gotta admit that sometimes i have the tendency to think in a naive way
feels like uber childish, come to think of it i am not really a grown up
even if i am one, i have the choices or ways to express myself
it can be anyway that i want it to be, no one really cares

feels that i always make things seems suprising for myself, it will fail
sometimes i just see it coming, so i just can't simply pretend to that i can't see
i also have lonely ambitions which i destroy the entire human population
then i am ought to live by myself with none companies by me

sometimes i feel people can a lil burden to me, as there is difference
no one is gonna listen or do whatever you want, they're not your puppet
its hard to be patience and wait for them to understand what do you want
its best you don't expect anything or much from anyone

human can hurt you mentally very badly, especially with words
words are sharper than the knife you have in your kitchen
human's self defence always includes lying if is necessary
it just that there is a tendency to lie about everything

i am emotionally broke down, majorly depressed; also utterly bitter
what is the remedy for this ? nothing seems to fall into place
i can't seems to detect the origin of this emotional sickness of mine
i want to close my eyes and imagine to be in my happy place

did you ever feel that you are so desparate for happiness,
that you can lie to yourself just so you can feel much better ?
i am telling you that i will if it is very, very drastic
lie is somehow sooting to live in, just like an illusion you desire badly

everytime i am ready to accept new things, there is always something seems to be
holding me back from recovery of the pain and the hurt
it is going forth and back, just like gravity
it is the time to try defying the gravity, and live according to you

Pondering about things that bring me down, occasionally !